tomorrow
Well, tomorrow will be exactly 2 weeks since I was inseminated for the first time. I will be taking a home pregnancy test in the morning and depending on the results, I will call my doctor tomorrow or later this week. I have a strong feeling I know what the answer will be but I’m not saying anything here until I take the test.
I’ve been obsessing naturally at every little thing. I think I’m getting better though, learning to accept that no matter what “symptom” I think I’m feeling, the only thing I can really trust is a pregnancy test at the end of the two week wait. I can’t really trust a single thing I’m feeling because the progesterone I’m taking has side effects that pretty much mimic early signs of pregnancy. Of course I didn’t realize that until I did some research. You think I would have read up on it before I started pumping myself with that stuff though eh? Eh, you live and learn… I’m new to all of this.
During my many obsessive online searches, I’ve discovered tons and tons of blogs and message boards written by women going through the same thing. Some posts were encouraging and very inspiring to read and others were down right depressing. I hadn’t really thought that deeply about how long this process could actually take. Some women try for years….and here I am being all super optimistic and arrogant enough to believe that the first time just might be it for me! Someone should smack me in my naive face! HA Who do I think I am? My mother swears that she got pregnant every time she walked past my dad, so I shouldn’t have a problem. Really mom? If that’s true, we would have had a TV show and our last name might be Duggar. And as far as I know, my mom has only been pregnant 3 times within a span of 5 years; all in her early 20′s. My situation is a little different. I’m in my mid 30′s and the sperm I’m working with has been frozen for god knows how long.
I can and I have gone back and forth a thousand times about whether or not I’m pregnant. Some days I’m convinced I am TOTALLY pregnant, and other days I swear there’s no way in hell I am. It doesn’t matter how often I debate with myself, though. I can’t tell for sure until I take that little test. The truth will be in the pee! Tomorrow, 5:30am.
