Naysayers 1; Positive Thinkers 0
I hate to admit it but I guess the naysayers were right. I took two tests this morning and both were a big fat not pregnant, or as the Trying To Conceive (TTC) community like to call it: BFN. I can’t express how disappointed I am. I really thought I had a chance yesterday. I felt that glimmer of hope that I haven’t been feeling lately. Yesterday I was so happy at that thought that I might be pregnant. But today, fully expecting to see a positive show up and never seeing it caused such an overwhelming indescribable sadness in me. I went back to bed, or tried to at least and let Shannan sleep a little longer before I made her go out and buy a digital test, just to be exactly sure. Three minutes after that test, a giant -NO appeared. Really? A big capital NO…why so cruel? Couldn’t they make it say, “sorry honey, better luck next time” or “it’s okay dear, keep trying”?
So what happened? Could I have had a very very brief Chemical Pregnancy, where the zygote just doesn’t stay attached to the uterine lining? I don’t know. I will call my doctor tomorrow and ask. What if that’s the case? How is that fixed? Will it keep happening? I can’t even speculate because I don’t really know why I saw that little faint pink line show up. I can’t dwell. I must move on. Third times the charm. This time with fertility drugs.