Best of both worlds
Chrissy introduced you to our story and our reasons for beginning this blog. She did a fantastic job, so if you haven’t yet, go back to In the beginning…
For my first entry, I think I’ll go back to the beginning, too.
I had dolls when I was a little girl and I really liked to play with them. I dressed them in little baby clothes, put them in their little strollers, tucked them into their little beds and kissed them goodnight. Like any little girl, I pretended to be a mom. I always knew I wanted to be a mom. That was never in question. The question was how.
I always knew I wanted to be a mom. That was never in question. The question was how.
Sometimes you just know yourself and what you will never do or become. And I knew early on that I would never be married to a man and because of that, I was not going to get pregnant (which was ok because I’m a little squeamish).
I grew up in a somewhat isolated, small town with very little diversity or acceptance for anything outside the norm. I didn’t understand my feelings, had little to no positive exposure to “alternative lifestyles” and probably didn’t even know what gay was until I was a teenager. So I ignored my heart and tried to fit in.
I never imagined being in a healthy, loving relationship. I never imagined living with or being married to another person. And I never imagined I would have the opportunity to start a family of my own and be a mom. Because I couldn’t imagine these things – I shut them out of my mind. I didn’t know I could have all of those things… until Chrissy came into my life!
In my family, I’m the eldest of 4 – so I’m used to being around kids. Lots of cousins, lots of neighbors, friends and pets. After Chrissy and I moved in together, eventually got married, bought a house, bought a car, took in a million pets – we realized we’re still missing something! This house is too quiet! I notice this whenever my sister, nephew, siblings and parents all leave after visiting for the weekend. I enjoy our peaceful weekends… but sometimes I crave the chaos!
How will we become moms? I don’t want to carry a baby – I can’t explain why other than I don’t know that I could survive the trauma and discomfort! But I really do want to be a mom. Maybe that is why I have a wife!
Chrissy, on the other hand, TOTALLY wants to be pregnant. She can be a little obsessive about things she cares about – it’s an admirable thing about her. She says she doesn’t have a passion, but I think she shows a lot of passion for becoming a mom. Chrissy evaluates EVERY choice, EVERY food/drink she takes in and the consequence of EVERY action – deciding whether or not it would promote fertility and benefit our cause. I could write an entire entry about sentences that begin with “when I get pregnant…”
I feel like I get the best of both worlds. If all goes according to our plan… I get to be a mom without all the physical fuss!